News on the home front

I have to start working on being better at writing on here. I really do love to write. I think my thoughts are most clear in written word vs verbal. Writing feels more safe, maybe because there isn't a verbal response. But I do find it relaxing. It gives me a few moments to be away from the chaos of the day and let my own thoughts break through.

Days here with two littles are becoming more joyous (see how I didn't say less crazy because that would be a lie! Just learning to handle it better...well trying to at least). Jake is sadly moving out of the infant stage and more into the fun baby stage. Rylee is so eager to play with him and teach her what she knows.

I'm revamping my etsy shop and going with a new idea. With the pushy, yet sweet, encouragement from my mom and butt slapping push my friend Charlee, I'll be reopening the shop after Christmas. Planning to make and sell party supplies. It's going to be awesome!

Over the past month I've been listening more and learning to open my heart wide to the Lord. Learning to really listen and not just hear. Ryan and I follow an AM talk show which is helping us to see more clearly on the life we want to live for our marriage and as parents. We can see how impressionable Rylee's little mind is and we want to guide and teach her the best we can. I've been reaching out to friends and reading books, eager to see where this journey takes my heart and our family.

Thanksgiving was great! Yummy food. Loving family. And a chaotic 4 hr drive with Rylee and Jake...it involved an hour stop at the nearest exit to feed Jake, which happened to be a strip club/gas station! Yes. An interstate strip club/gas station parking lot is where Jake refused to nurse from me. I didn't pack my pump (never do that again) and left emergency frozen milk in my aunts freezer two hours away. I had to hand express milk into an empty water bottle and dump it into a bottle a half ounce at a time as my mom fed him! It was horrific!! Her and I finally get Jake calmed down and we smell poop...from both kids. We barely said a word to each other the rest of the 2 hr drive fear in Jake may wake up and laughed/cried when we hit our exit. Looking forward to sharing that story with Jake!

Christmas is on its way and I am EXCITED! I have couponed for every Santa gift and spent less then I planned! Still have to fill their stockings and I'm handing that over to Ryan. I have my eye on a kitchenAid mixer and hoping it will appear under the tree or for an anniversary present (four years on the 10th).

Last night was Jake's first night sleeping in his bassinet. The rock n' play has been one of our favorite baby gear items but he is getting to big for it. I bought a Love to Dream Swaddle and Jake was a champ with it! The ergo and Solly wrap have been life savers for me and the baby Bjorn bouncy seat is the best! Speaking of Jake, he's away from his early morning 6-7 nap and needs a feeding.

Enjoy your Monday. Let it be wonderful, not manic!

Two Months

Jacob Ryan is two months old.

Two months! Really? Time is moving so fast.

Life with two littles has been a whirl wind. Jacob fits so perfectly into our hearts. Rylee is over the moon to be a big sister and is enjoying being helpful. She is eager to find his pacifier, through away a diaper, and give kisses. She would hold him all day is she could.

Jacob is smiling like a champ! He makes cooing noises and I just melt. It has been fun to watch him moving out if the newborn stage and be more engaging. In the sleep department, Jacob enjoys napping while we shop and starting his day at 4am. He loves being carried around in a wrap or the ergo. And I love it to! He is a calm sweet boy. He and I continue to nurse and Ryan bottle feeds him right before bed. Putting all that pumped milk to good use. 300 plus ounces have made their way into our freezer. Bottle feeding before bed also let's mommy have a glass (or two) of wine.

Jacob has also made his debut visit to Disney! He slept most of the time in the ergo as we rode dumbo and the little mermaid.

I am working hard to find a balance with two. Some morning I end on bent knees in tears and others I end with rainbows pouring out of my clean kitchen. But I'm finding my way, learning how to meet their needs, letting go of what's not important, and really taking in this time with them.

Ryan and I went out to dinner without kids for the first time last week. It felt amazing to wear real clothes, a necklace, and share in adult drinks and laughter. Its so easy to be in constant mommy mode and leave no mental space to be his wife.

Hoping I can try and get more thoughts of mine onto this blog. I think once I get them both on the same nap schedule I'll be back to blogging more! Stick around!

Dear Rylee

My little mama, the past few weeks have been rough. Really rough. Rough to were I've his in the garage for a few minutes of quiet time. Too many days we spend not getting along. You have brought me to my knees weeping in tears as I try to find some sort of patience. Too many days I have become frustrated before breakfast and pray the Lord will guide me through the day.

I am trying so hard to be the best momma I can to you. I love you more then I can ever express in words. Your smile brings joy to my heart that brings tears to my eyes. But little momma, we have spent too many days in tears with each other.

Our daily routine has changed. It use to be just us. You and me. Snuggling in bed. Making pancakes. Having tea parties. Enjoying popcorn at target. Roaming the rows of books at Barnes and noble. We shared laughs on walks. I treasure those moments. And I didn't know how much I would truly miss them. Being a big sister means having to not only share your toys, but to share me as your mommy. Neither of us were really prepared for what that meant. You are doing your best to understand and I am struggling.

I can tell you get angry with me. I can't always pick you up or play tea party. Your brother needs all the same attention I gave you, when you were new to this place. You get angry when I ask you to play in your room when I am nursing your brother. Your loud laughter and singing of songs will soon be welcomed by your little brother, but quiet time is something he and I both crave while nursing.

I end too many days in tears. Crying myself to sleep thinking of what a terrible day we had. Guilt rushes my exhausted heart when I think of how short my patience were for you. I doubt my job here as a stay at home mother and not sure what I am doing for you is right. Am I teaching you to be a good loving person? Am I teaching you to be creative? Am I teaching you to have a giving heart?

So many days I am at a loss. I am suppose to be the adult here and sometimes I act like the child. I let my frustration make poor choices. And no one wins. I know better. Exhaustion is my nasty enemy I must fight.

Your will is strong. You are smart as a whip. And your imagination is one I envy. You love me and I love you. Being a parent is the hardest job I have ever been given. Even on our hardest days, I never doubt you and your brother gave me the greatest gift, to be your mother. I wish I knew what to do every time a decision is needed. I wish I had the perfect words to give you during a tantrum. But I am trying. Every day I try.

But I do know what I do right. I know my love for you is like no other. I know you love waffles but prefer pancakes. I know you are most happy running outside. I know loud noises scare you and my hugs make you feel safe. I know you pretend to have a boo-boo so you can wear a princess bandaid. I know you love disney world as much as your daddy and I do. I know all this because I am here. I am here with you, loving you in every moment.

Through the good days and bad days we are us. As your brother gets older we will fall into routine and gain our special moments back together. We will share in giggles while he naps and continue with art projects.

Hold on little momma. We'll find our groove with our sweet little boy and he'll join in all our fun!

Tonight as I was nursing your brother I could hear you play in your room. You were making cupcakes "cake cakes" in your kitchen. I heard your feet carefully walk to your brothers room. Just as I set him down in his crib, you step in singing "happy birthday to mommy" while holding a tray of wooden cupcakes. I nicely ask you to play in your room because at the moment your brothers eyes flung open and I knew I'd have to start over again. You didn't understand my tiredness from your sleepless brother. You didn't understand I was trying to put him to bed so I could have alone time with you. Instead you understood mommy didn't want to play with you. Oh sweet girl that isn't true!

As I rocked you brother back to sleep all I could think of was how proud you were to carry in those cupcakes and sing me a song. Ugh. I lose tears as I write this.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new day to love you, teach you, and give you what you deserve from me. A better me.

Keep on loving me and bringing cupcakes

What happens at 5:13 AM

I hear him whimper. I hear him gearing up to let me know, although he's pushing 10 lbs, that he is starving. I check my phone for a time, praying loudly its 7 AM, only to moan that's its 5:13.

5:13 on a tuesday...it is tuesday?...yes, yes its a tuesday.

I grab my little bundle of joy and feed him. He's quick to nurse. Gives me a champion of a burp. I change his diaper and clean his little bum. I rock him for a few moments and I start thinking "yes! I got him back to sleep!". I pull his sweetness away from my shoulder only to see his wide open eyes saying " oh hey momma. Let's get our day started. You didn't think I was going back to bed did you?"

So we leave our bedroom, the place I use to get sleep in, and start the walk down the hallway to his room. I briefly think I will do this walk a million more times before he grows up and moves out. So I walk slowly, enjoying the walk with him in my arms because a million more walks holding my son will never seem enough.

We get to his room and turn on his lamp. Yep, he's still wide awake. I put him down in his crib and I pull out my breast pump for our daily meeting. I pump for a few reasons: one - I produce a ton more milk. Two - my goal is to hive J bm till his first birthday. Three - I want...need...must have a glass of wine in the near future. In the nine minutes I pump, I softly sing "take me out to the ball game" 19 times to soothe J and check Instagram. Pumping is over and J is quiet. I peak over the rail of the crib hoping for a sleepy babe. Nope. Wide eyes still but he's calm.

So I mentally start making a list of what needs done around the house. There's laundry to fold, a bathroom to clean, and packing for an afternoon trip to Disney. I gran cleaning supplies and head towards to the bathroom. As I'm cleaning up Ariel and rubber ducks from the tub I decide "hey! I'll take a bath". So I borrow some of Rylee's  rapunzel shampoo as bubble bath and begin to relax. J Cry's as soon as I sit down. I try to soothe him by singing and a pacifier but no go. Fearing he'll wake the other sleepy kid and I'll have to share this bath with her playing with princess Ariel, I scoop him up and stand in the bath and rock him to sleep. " take me out to the ball game" is sung 7 times.

I clean up, briefly think to shave my legs, and then hop out while J is asleep. I throw on some make up, blow dry my hair, and I'm ready. I change us into a Halloween romper and shirt, Because having a good theme to a party always makes it fun.

By now its 6:30 am. And as much as I want to go back to bed, I know the second I fall asleep I'll hear my sweet girl calling my name and letting me know the sun is up so she can be awake too.

Coffee. Fresh caffeine in a cup. I make some. I fold laundry, wash pump supplies and steam pacifiers. Start to gather survival items for disney. I write a list for target. For as soon as 8 hits the clock, I'm racing out of here (with J in tow) to buy diapers and wonder the aisles till J says its time to go.

Our day has begun. And this is our new normal. Jake only wakes twice after falling asleep around 9:30, around 2:30ish and between 5-6. I can't complain too much. Though I wish I had the mythological baby who sleeps through the night after being birthed.

I hope all who reads has a beautiful day. Know that as a mommy I am on your side and cheering for you. Our days as momma's are long and filled with joy and exhaustion. Let's conquer today. Let's make the sleepless night into a good day, hug our littles tighter, and smile harder when your tank of patience is almost empty.

Another Momma's Remider

Last night was rough.

Not due to the sleeplessness of an infant or the toddler crying out for me. But due to my own pure emotional exhaustion.

I send an S.O.S. text to a best friend and in pure selfishness I hoped she would give up a few minutes of her sleep to feed me the encouraging words to so badly craved.

She called within a minute and I barely spit out a hello before the tears flowed.

I admitted to yelling at Rylee that day and how disgusting I felt for it. I wined about how exhausted I was to be a 24 hour milk machine and how I'm stuck wearing a nursing bra and pads otherwise I'll leak every where. I cried for wanting just a few moments to myself and how disheveled I was for losing my predictable schedule. I lost it when I noticed I still smelled of spit up after a 3 minute shower I took with a toddler at my feet.

And she said all the perfect things...

I know, that's rough...

Its just a phase...

Rylee won't remember...

Ugh its so exhausting...

You've got this!...

Sometimes another mommy's encouragement is so needed. We're all together in this journey as mommy's. There's no place for judgment or comparison. Only a place for understanding and encouragement. Sweet words on days that seem endless and sharing in happy first moments.

I am no perfect mother. There aren't enough IG filters to make my life perfect. And I don't want it to be. A little sanity would be nice, but not perfection.

As our call was ending, tears became laughter and my spirits were lifted. As I was rocking little J to sleep I thought of all the things I did accomplish. All the things I did right yesterday.

I loved on my two sweet littles.

I took two kids to the doctor and made it there on time

I treated myself to a Coke via chick-fil-a drive through and savored every last sip.

I made Rylee a wrap for her babies to "hold baby like mommy"

I sang "take me out to the ball game" 17 times to J

I completed two loads of laundry

Put a sleepy toddler to bed 15 mins early

And rocked a sweet boy to sleep

So in a day filled with pure chaos, a screaming baby, and a tantrum throwing toddler, I vow to end my day listing the "rights". Ignoring all that I didn't accomplish or what I failed at. Even through all the chaos, I love this life. There will be a day when I don't live in the same yoga pants for five days or smell of spit up. I will miss this. I will miss two littles needing me and their snuggles.

So here goes today, hoping to make it better then yesterday.

{And now my pitty party is over. Thanks for reading through the end}

 

One Month

One Month Old

We survived the first month

And boy it was a doozy!

Having another little one has quite a new adventure in parenthood.

Rylee is enjoying being a big sister. She thinks its fun to help change diapers and try to shove a pacifier in Jake's mouth. Surprisingly his crying at night doesn't wake her and he doesn't wake when she runs around our wood floor house in her princess shoes.

Ryan has taken over most of the daily Rylee activities, including dance class. I can really see a new bond they are both developing. She has always been my little girl but its beautiful to see the father/daughter relationship. I will admit though, its hard when she prefers daddy to take her to dance class then me.

Jake is fitting in just right. He's a good sleeper, wakes to eat, then dozes back into dream land. As a pair, we are working on our nursing skills. Since I didn't nurse with Rylee, I am a newbie along side him. I would say most often we have it down and every once in a while we struggle with a good latch but we power through. I've shed a few tears over nursing. Tears of joy when he latched at the hospital an hour after birth and tears of frustration when he doesn't latch well and spits up all down my shirt.

I've also started pumping in the morning. He goes down around 9:30-10 and sleeps till about 2:30 to eat, sleeps, up again at 5:30 then back down. I'm very lucky to be a milk making machine so in the morning I'm overly full. I have about 100 ounces frozen. Not sure when we'll introduce a bottle. Selfishly I don't want it to interfere with his preference to nurse but selfishly I'd like a long evening away with Ryan and a glass of wine. 

I am enjoying our new family of four. Not eager for him to grow too fast. Loving the squishy baby sleep through a target trip  time. To celebrate his one month, we went to dinner (leaving Rylee with her aunt). He quietly sat in the car seat as I ate the goat cheese I've waited 9 months for without coming up for air.

Hope to blog more soon. So many thoughts and emotions I'd like to have written down for Rylee and Jake to read some day

A bowl of popcorn

While I was pregnant, I teased (OK, prayed!) we would have an easy baby. One who goes with the flow, only cries when he wants to eat, nurses like a champ, and sleeps like crazy.  We were blessed with an easy baby! And I have thanked the heavens everyday.

Our first bundle of joy was (is) anything but easy. As an infant, she cried all day and night. We had a terrible time trying to nurse and she was never content to sit in the car seat. As new parents we were a mess and I was scared. Our first joy is now two and she is our little firecracker. Constantly on the move and testing my boundaries as a parent. Her cleverness is amazing and her ability to learn new things is fantastic. Yet her ability to drive me crazy some days is not so fun.

I'll admit, some days parenting my little toddler is hard. I end my day thinking "well I could have done better with her. Not let myself get so frustrated when she didn't nap but pooped in her bed. Or when she through a tantrum at target over...I can't remember what is was over". Some days I just stink at parenting. I'm at a loss and question when the terrible twos will end and we will move into the stage of enjoying a trip to target or even a (gasp!) restaurant. There a huge place in my hearts that beats just for her. A love pours from that spot just for her. And I love that she loves me back through the chaos and through the days I am not up to pare.

Since bringing Jake home, Rylee has done her best to adjust. She enjoys her brother being here unless it interferes with her time with just me. She isn't a fan of him when she needs a hug while I am nursing or wants a cookie while I am mid poop diaper change. I try to make time just for her. Making sure I am acknowledging when she is being good to her brother. I remind her how special her job is at a big sister and when she gets older it will be of such importance.

I'm playing in a new ball game with two littles. Thrown onto the field with no idea of my opposing team. I've learned the let dishes sit in the sink in trade of play time and laundry to cycle through refresh again in trade of a nap.

Today I took advantage of Jake still asleep to share a bowl of popcorn with my little girl. We snuggled, watched cartoons, and giggled when we both put our hands in the bowl. I took in the sweet moments of her saying thank you, yummy, and more please mommy. I remember holding her as an infant and can't believe I'm now snuggling with her as a toddler.

So tomorrow we'll have more bowls of popcorn and giggle when I steal her popcorn bites.

Our First Week

We made it through our first week. The new normal is setting in and we love it. Hearing my husband say "I'll put the kids in the car" yesterday made the surrealism of Jacob in our life slowly fade away. Within just seven days, our little world feels complete.  Jacob has reminded Ryan and I how fast our children have and will grow. We were reminded how much we have grown as a couple and our family really feels complete.

Jacob was born on September 11th. We were not against the idea of having him born on this day. We can all remember where we were the moment the World Trade Centers were attacked. We remember the feeling when our nation came together.  Ryan remembers the feeling knowing he was meant to be a firefighter. That day is held close to the hearts of many. I would have never imagined while sitting in geometry class, watching the second plane hit, I would birth a son into the world 13 years later.  We also named Jacob from the name we loved, Jake. Jake is also used to call younger firefighters in northern states. The day just seemed right for our family. Bring joy to a day, were joy was taken away.

Jacob arrived into the world quickly! My water was broke at 12:30 and he arrived after four pushes at 2:10. He never cried and layed so peacefully on my chest for almost an hour till he started nursing! For those of you who dont know, I was unable to nurse with Rylee. We struggled and I pumped for months instead. Tears flooded my eyes when he latched and began nursing.

With the same weight and height as Rylee {7.6 lbs 19 inches} Jacob is a healthy boy!! He's a calm little one and doesnt make a flinch when his sister is marching down the hall in princess heals. We are loving our time with him. His sweet snuggles and baby fresh smell make us oh and ah over him.

Dear Pregnancy

Dear Pregnancy,

My time with you is coming to an end.  In a few days the baby boy we worked hard to grow and keep safe with make his debut. We will have been on this journey together for 39 weeks. Its been an adventure I will keep close to my heart and think back on when my littles are grown.

Thirty nine weeks ago I prayed the Lord would bless our family with another baby. I prayed he would keep our growing little one safe and healthy. Thank you for standing by me as my prayer was answered. 

Thirty nine weeks ago pregnancy,  we began our journey.

Those first 12 weeks were a doozy. You had me sick and exhausted beyond words. You made bread and crackers my main meal, with lemon water as my savior. You made the smell of my classroom make me want to vomit and playtime with my daughtef turn to yet anothed viewing of the Little Mermaid while I napped on the couch.  But pregnancy,  you made my body strong to carry our little fetus through the rough first trimester. Thank you. Thank you for relieving my fears and giving my husband hope for a healthy child and wife.

You took pitty on me the second trimester and gave me a belly I adore. I had multiple good hairs days and sweet compliments from little old ladies. I was able to eat real foods again. Together we drooled over others drinking wine and eating publix subs. But our nine month commitment to each other was too grand to eat those naughty foods. We started wearing pants with elastic bands and dresses to emphasize my belly. With a bump barely showing, we found out a little boy was growing inside! Boy were we excited!!

Our time during the last part of our journey has been tough.  You reminded me pregnancy, I can't do it all. You reminded me to slow down and enjoy the short time we have left together. You have pushed my body to great lengths, some days I cursed your name and begged for comfort. To grow my son you have given me lovely stretch marks and painful vericose veins. You've brought me to tears with discomfort.  But thank you. Thank you for all those things.  You are doing whatever needs done for our son to grow inside me. I'll take on your challenges and feel strength in your ways. Just another reminder of life as a mommy. Those stretch marks allow my son to move around inside and let my husbands hands feel his baby boy.

Pregnancy,  you are the beginning of my journey into become a mommy again. Those moments of doubt if I'm carrying you properly,  if I took my vitamins, counting my caffeine intake, were all just reminders of our grand plan when our journey ends. The endless hours fretting over breast feeding, stockpiling diapers, couponing and saving for must needs/wants for our son, has yet to make me realize our break up is just a few days away.

We are good together pregnancy. Real good. Even in thd days of morning sickness, I have truly loved being wrapped in your embrace. Even through midnight bathroom breaks and swollen veins, I have loved our time together.  You have slowly prepared me yet again to be a mommy. I'll most likely not be with you again. If minds change, you'll be the first to know.

Thank you for growing my family. Let's enjoy our last few days together.

with love always,
Leah Marie

38 Weeks

Thirty Eight Weeks

I am glad to be writing this post.  Happy our little guy is continuing to grow safely inside my belly. Hitting the thirty eight week mark feels very surreal.

Feels like just a few days ago we decided to grow our family. We dreamed of a family with two kiddos and the reality of our dream will be in our arms in less then a week. Less then a week!

I'm feeling very excited.

Very anxious.

Very overwhelmed with emotions.

I've been a little crazy keeping the house super-duper clean so if I go into labor before my induction on the 11th, I know the house will be clean when I come home {oh you didn't know I was crazy about keeping things in place? Well secret is out now}. I also sat on the kitchen floor to scrub cabinets and the tile floor. I refolded newborn onesies and made sure Rylee's big sister gift is ready!

How far along: thirty eight weeks
Weight gain: 20.5 lbs
Best moment: Rylee has been very intuitive over the last month with the arrival of her baby brother. Anyone who comes over gets a tour of her brothers room. She plays with his toys and counts the pacifiers in the drawer she's not suppose to go into. She rubs my belly and tells me "my brother is in there".
Movement: holy moly this kid not only rubs on my pelvic bone but he now is moving/shifting to my sciatic nerve down my left leg. Ugh its so lovely!
Craving: CHOCOLATE!!
Looking forward to: the birth of my son!
Body changes: hubs say my belly looks bigger (thanks dear) and he quickly adds " oh and you just look more beautiful being pregnant ". And my belly button has popped out!

37 Weeks

Thirty Seven Weeks

We're getting closer and closer to meeting our little Jacob Ryan. I am glad to be moving closer to a full term baby and away from the scary preterm labor zone. Sunday night we made a visit to the hospital thinking my water may have broke. On the drive there I don't think I uttered a word. I sat quietly holding my husbands hand, listening to our favorite Jacks Mannequin songs, and praying the Lord will keep Jacob safe if this is the night we will meet him. We were sent home an hour later and everything was fine. As excited as Ryan is to hold his son and Rylee is to meet her brother,  we both know the longer he stays inside the more growth he'll gain. We saw a chart at the hospital about brain growth and reminded there is no rush.

As we left the hospital we joked how we get another normal semi-predictable night of sleep at home. We get one more day with just Rylee. And I get one more day of my boobs not being a leaky milk station.

With all the rest I've been doing at home my body seems to be slowing down the in the labor process. I have not progressed anymore then 3 cm dil from last week. Contractions are infrequent but still lots of cramping. Our midwife scheduled an induction date for Sept 11 (I will be 39 weeks). So in two weeks or less our little man will be here! Ekk!!

How far along: thirty seven weeks
Weight gain: 20 lbs
Best moment: Ryan was just talking with Rylee about how her brother will be here soon. She said "yay" joyfully when he asked if she was ready to meet her brother and hold him. She said "no" sadly when he asked her if she is ready to share mommy. Sweet girl. Her little boat is about to be rocked
Movement: very frequent movements. Lots of painful kicks and pressure to my pelvic bone!
Craving: nothing special this week. Still on board for anything spicy! My sister surprised  me a few days ago with bangbang shrimp! She is not only a wonderful aunt but a beautiful sister to me!
Looking forward to: Sept 11
Body changes: I can painfully feel my hips moving and spreading. Yipee. Ryan says my stomach sticks out more

Rylee wanted to join in on my early morning photos. The lighting in Jacobs room is so pretty in the morning. And I've had my eye on the beautiful black and white silhouette photo on pinterest.

in the moment...

...I'm folding laundry and its so strange to see a pile of princess panties for Rylee.

...I've made three lists this morning for last minute things we'll need before we leave for hospital and packed a bag for Rylee

...I watched Rylee play {destroy her room} and feel glad I am home to be with her today even in the chaos of thrown puzzle pieces and little people

...I talked with Rylee about when I leave for the hospital to have the baby she will stay home. And she told me "I stay home. You bring baby home". Smart little girl

...I've had cramps for the past three days and back pain is starting to set in. Will today be the day? I broke down in tears yesterday. I am just so uncomfortable

...I'll be sending Ryan out to target later to get a list of things along with milk bags (to freeze pumped breast milk) and nipple cream. He'll most likely read every label on the different nipple creams to find the one best for me and baby J

...I'm craving spicy spicy hot wings and french fries. And of course a beer to wash them down

...Rylee just yelled " mommy come here". And as I started waddling towards her she yelled "Leah come here". I find it hilarious she knows my other name and she giggles when she uses it

...I found her wearing a tutu, counting baby J's pacifiers, and dumping globs of lotion on her legs. Ugh

...so many messes fill our home this morning. I tried to tackle one at a time while sitting to rest this tired body

...Ryan is trying to rest after a sleepless night at work. I know he would wake if I asked him to but he needs sleep and I enjoy my quiet time with Rylee

...the other night (after a long day of taking on most of the days responsibility) Ryan looked at me and said " I don't know how you do all you do everyday and be pregnant ". Always feels good to get a compliment from your husband

...I'm having to explain to Rylee why she doesn't need to wear my pumping bra but she insist I let her wear it. And I do

...her and I ate oatmeal and two oreos for breakfast. And they were delicious

...Excited for the last episode of True Blood tonight. Ryan and I have watched the show since season one when we could barely afford HBO in our apartment.

Enjoy your sunday with your family and little ones.

36 Weeks

Thirty Six Weeks

Pregnancy is nearing to an end. Even though I technically have 4 more weeks, baby Jacob is trying really hard to be an August baby. Dr appt yesterday confirmed I am 3 cm dil and in preterm labor. Crazy! My midwife feels safe for me to delivery Jacob if he does arrive earlier but the goal is to keep him in till at least 38 weeks. 

Today was  my first day home on rest. Its tough being home on rest with a toddler plus the urge to continue to nest. I did repack my hospital bag today...twice...and I still feel as though I am missing something. Plus I need extra space in my bag to take home a box of mesh underwear! Oh you don't know what those are, only the best hidden post baby secret. Ever.

Ryan has been super husband and is making sure I am resting. He has taken over grocery and target trips (which are my super favorite trips and sad target and I will not see each other for a while), play time with rylee, and dinners. Lately just sitting on the floor is beyond uncomfortable and painful, which makes play time with her a little difficult.  So we bring toys on our bed to play or I play with her while laying down on the floor. Truly trying my best to give her attention she needs and also giving my body the rest it needs. By the end of the day I am exhausted and have trouble keeping up. Even taking a shower is tiring. Yet sleep provides no rest due to bathroom runs and big belly discomfort. 

So I've entered the last lovely month of pregnancy.  I am so eager to meet our little man. To smell him. Kiss his head. Snuggle him. And see if all this heartburn proves the oldwives tale right to have a baby with a head full of hair.

I am excited to see Rylee love on her brother we are constantly talking about.

I am anxiously awaiting to watch Ryan fall in love all over again.

Rylee seems to be getting excited over the arrival of her brother.  We play in his room often. Change diapers on her dolls and place pacifiers in their mouth as she whispers "shh no crying".

How far along: thirty six weeks
Weight gain: 20 lbs
Best moment: letting Rylee pick out a special present for her brother
Movement: very big movements and intense kicks
Craving: spicy spicy food! and a cider!
Looking forward to: next weeks appt to see if we are making anymore progress towards real labor beginning
Body changes: jacob has dropped so my belly is looking a little lower. Still growing bigger by the day!

Getting ready for late  night feedings with this shirt! 

The sweet duck Rylee picked out for her brother 

Baby belle trying out the new bassinet and swaddle blankets

New chalkboard made from a dollar tree photo frame!

35 Weeks

Thirty Five Weeks

This week has been a doozy!  Summer vacation is offocially over, the alarm clock is set to 5:45, and I've been wearing clothes that aren't found in the pajama section of my dresser. I've realized I can't push my body to move as quickly or walk the halls at the high school as long as I did just a few months ago.

Last night I was experiencing intense pain in my pelvic area. Since I was induced with Rylee, I am very unsure of going into labor naturally.  I clearly remember what labor feels when contractions are in full swing but the beginning process is new to me. Ryan and I were starting to think we would be meeting our son sooner then we thought. After a frantic call to our midwife and a warm bath, the pain subsided and I found sleep easily for the first time in weeks. Exhaustion from the long day at work has made sleep actually possible.

My mind often wonders to the future with our family growing to four. Our wedding day still stands fresh in my memories and the smell of Rylee as an infant still lingers. The smell of sawdust from fixing up our first home and arguments over placements of bathroom lights will never be a distant memory. We have faced days of sorrow and joy to build our life. To build our family.  I am looking forward to keep building our life and make memories with Jacob by ourside. 

How far along: thirty five weeks
Weight gain: 16 lbs
Best moment: hearing rylee tell an old lady at target she's having a brother
Movement: jacob is keeping up his constant and intense movements.  I feel every movement and my belly takes on many shapes
Craving: all the foods you stay away from during pregnancy
Looking forward to: holding our little boy for the first time
Labor signs: jacob has dropped and sitting very low.

In The Moment...

...I'm eating a bowl of black cherry ice cream

...I wish my husband home to tuck me into bed (what? Is that not normal?)

...watching the movie My Girl and remember growing up wishing I had a cool name like Vada

...As much as I'm ready to meet Jacob and have body parts return to normal, I'm not ready to let go of my pregnancy.  I love feeling his every movement. I'm not ready to bring him into this scary unpredictable world but to keep him safe in my belly.

...I am so in love with Rylee's obsession for "critter books". I absolutely loved the critter family.  Finding the spider and mouse on each page was a personal challenge as a child. Their simple language is a favorite now as a parent. Rylee loves the New Baby book and insist we read it last.

...I am feeling very blessed to have wonderful coworkers give me a baby shower on our first day back to work. Company was sweet, cake was yummy, and gifts were beyond thoughtful! Had a wonderful day with grownup conversations and not having to remind anyone to use the potty

...I asked Rylee if her brother will born in August or September. 
She said "emptemer"
And which day Rylee? "8"
We'll find out if she is a miss cleo or her favorite number to say is 8

...feeling exhausted and theres actually four parts of the pregnancy journey.  Theres the 1st 2nd and 3rd trimester and the  there's the last month. The. Last. Long. Month. Im a week away from the last month and I can feel the symptoms already. No sleep due to huge belly and constant bathroom runs, wardrobe skrinks to maxi dresses and yoga pants that actually never been to a yoga class, and groaning at the idea of having to bend down to put shoes on or pick up toys. (But refer to above thought, I love do pregnancy)