I hear him whimper. I hear him gearing up to let me know, although he's pushing 10 lbs, that he is starving. I check my phone for a time, praying loudly its 7 AM, only to moan that's its 5:13.
5:13 on a tuesday...it is tuesday?...yes, yes its a tuesday.
I grab my little bundle of joy and feed him. He's quick to nurse. Gives me a champion of a burp. I change his diaper and clean his little bum. I rock him for a few moments and I start thinking "yes! I got him back to sleep!". I pull his sweetness away from my shoulder only to see his wide open eyes saying " oh hey momma. Let's get our day started. You didn't think I was going back to bed did you?"
So we leave our bedroom, the place I use to get sleep in, and start the walk down the hallway to his room. I briefly think I will do this walk a million more times before he grows up and moves out. So I walk slowly, enjoying the walk with him in my arms because a million more walks holding my son will never seem enough.
We get to his room and turn on his lamp. Yep, he's still wide awake. I put him down in his crib and I pull out my breast pump for our daily meeting. I pump for a few reasons: one - I produce a ton more milk. Two - my goal is to hive J bm till his first birthday. Three - I want...need...must have a glass of wine in the near future. In the nine minutes I pump, I softly sing "take me out to the ball game" 19 times to soothe J and check Instagram. Pumping is over and J is quiet. I peak over the rail of the crib hoping for a sleepy babe. Nope. Wide eyes still but he's calm.
So I mentally start making a list of what needs done around the house. There's laundry to fold, a bathroom to clean, and packing for an afternoon trip to Disney. I gran cleaning supplies and head towards to the bathroom. As I'm cleaning up Ariel and rubber ducks from the tub I decide "hey! I'll take a bath". So I borrow some of Rylee's rapunzel shampoo as bubble bath and begin to relax. J Cry's as soon as I sit down. I try to soothe him by singing and a pacifier but no go. Fearing he'll wake the other sleepy kid and I'll have to share this bath with her playing with princess Ariel, I scoop him up and stand in the bath and rock him to sleep. " take me out to the ball game" is sung 7 times.
I clean up, briefly think to shave my legs, and then hop out while J is asleep. I throw on some make up, blow dry my hair, and I'm ready. I change us into a Halloween romper and shirt, Because having a good theme to a party always makes it fun.
By now its 6:30 am. And as much as I want to go back to bed, I know the second I fall asleep I'll hear my sweet girl calling my name and letting me know the sun is up so she can be awake too.
Coffee. Fresh caffeine in a cup. I make some. I fold laundry, wash pump supplies and steam pacifiers. Start to gather survival items for disney. I write a list for target. For as soon as 8 hits the clock, I'm racing out of here (with J in tow) to buy diapers and wonder the aisles till J says its time to go.
Our day has begun. And this is our new normal. Jake only wakes twice after falling asleep around 9:30, around 2:30ish and between 5-6. I can't complain too much. Though I wish I had the mythological baby who sleeps through the night after being birthed.
I hope all who reads has a beautiful day. Know that as a mommy I am on your side and cheering for you. Our days as momma's are long and filled with joy and exhaustion. Let's conquer today. Let's make the sleepless night into a good day, hug our littles tighter, and smile harder when your tank of patience is almost empty.
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