24 weeks

Twenty four weeks
6 months
Sixteen weeks to go....

There has been lots of growth happening this week.  My son must be like his dad already and taking on a home remodel this week. I feel lots of intense movements and my body shifting around. My belly feels very tight at times, to the point it catches me off guard I stop and have to wait a moment to catch my breath.  Strange how this pregnancy is just so so different.

Even though this babe gets documentation onmmy blog, I still feel my time mentally isnt as focused around him as it was while pregnant with Rylee.  At times I feel this sense of guilt for having a second baby. I know I will love them both so deeply and specially. Have I given Rylee enough time as just my daughter and me a mommy to just her? I know she won't remember and I hope in the future she'll be happy she is close in age to her brother {I love how close in age my brother and I are}. I am patiently waiting one more week till I am released from the school gates and free for family time for a few months.  I hope those extra hours home will give me more time to finish his room, look for a sweet gift to give his big sister, and decide a name for this sweet boy.

The photo below really depicts how I see our life at the moment. Our little family gets so busy, sometimes so caught up in our own little projects. Rylee was determined to clear her wagon so I could pull her around. Ryan was tinkering with a blower and cleaning his work space. But just being in the garage together made each little project seem so important. We share so much of our daily lives together through unspoken words. Its the forehead kiss he gives me passing by the house or the giggle she shares as we run through the sprinkler. I look at our life of chaos and imagine how our new little bean will make his imprint.

How far along: twenty four weeks

weight gain: 7 lbs {3 lbs Iin one week, makes sense why I feel stuffed and my face looks swollen. Yipee}

Best moment: Getting two full nights of sleep 

Miss anything: Being able to sleep on my belly. My most favored and comfortable place. I also miss time with my mom. We spent a lot of time together before rylee was born shopping or painting her room. I miss we havent done that as much this time around.

Movement: Tons! big swings of movement across my belly. Ryan is really able to feel our babe more

craving: Spicy foods and chocolate milk and pickles

mood: Happy!

looking forward to: our baby shower and having time to celebrate our boy with loved ones

gender: boy! Still nameless but its a he

23 weeks

Twenty three weeks....whoops, I am behind on pregnancy updates.  Im pretty sure my husband reads them to know how far along I am :) we all just get so busy and lose track of time, sometimes imporatnt things get lost in the daily rush.

This pregnancy is definitely moving faster then the first. Maybe so, because life with a toddler leaves little rest time or time to ponder over room decor or a name! We thought we had a name picked but my other half cant decide-meaning I wont settle on his name suggestion and he wont settle for mine. All his name choices are so, hmmm, manly {to name his top faves: Hunter, Ryder, and of course Ryan} and my choices I'm told are names from shady pines nursing home {Henry, Finn, Liam, Jack}. We still have seventeen more weeks to make a decision, right?!

How far along: twenty three weeks
Weight gain: 4 lbs even though I feel really big right now
Best moment: falling asleep with ryans hand on my belly waiting to feel all the movements I can feel
Miss anything: the ability to roll over or move in the bed without feeling pain or huffing and puffing. And I miss sleeping in my belly!
Movement: feeling more shifting of him and longer kicking spurts
Craving: Salty! Spicy! Pickles!
Mood: EMOTIONAL roller coaster! I think lack of sleep plays a role here.
Gender: boy!!
Looking forward to: shopping for special little clothes for the baby. I've bought a few things but looking for a going home outfit. I have my heart set on a solly wrap and checking daily for stock to return.

Oh pretty pretty Rylee

From the moment she was born, I thought she was pretty.
Her smile. Her smell. Her small hands griping my my finger.

She was pretty.

She is beautiful.

My husband has always called our daughter his "little pretty". He cherishes the word more I think because of her. As he would place a bow in her hair or a shirt over her body, he would remind her she was pretty.

When I brush her hair or place a dress over her head I say "oh rylee, so pretty", kiss her cheek and smile at her. I never thought for a second about the descriptive word. Just another word in my vocabulary.

The other morning I was folding laundry on our bed watching rylee twirl in my jammie shirt and place a necklace over her head. She stops mid twirling to look in the mirror and says "rylee pretty, pretty rylee". I freeze mid fold of ryans work shirts. What am I really teaching her? I smile at her and feel proud she is making sentences and building confidence.,

What does that word mean to her?
What made her think to say that word?
Am I over thinking this? --probably--
Am I giving her confidence in herself?

I bring her into my arms and sit on laundry to share what makes her pretty. She looks at me {half crazy} but listens intently. As if she knows I am trying my best to mend a booboo. She skiddadles away from my arms and I just sit staring at her. This little person twirling in my room will one day look at me for the right words to speak when her heart is broken, when a day at school is disastrous,  or when a request for curfew extension is turned down by daddy because her boyfriend drives a motorcycle.  {had to include ryans biggest fear}.

Have my spoken words have made her appearance or clothing matter? Or is she just learning to love her mirrored image. I know she doesnt have a grand understanding of the word but how do I make the beautiful descriptive word not physically important? Has my own low self esteem been brought to light? I always hope she will be brave like her father and do her best to have positive thoughts when she stands in front of a mirror. I have struggled so with self image and truly try to never let her see my biggest fault.

So I'll write and keep these words for that needed moment...

My dearest daughter,
I prayed for the birth of a healthy baby. You blessed our world on a rainy friday. 10 fingers and toes and a head of dark hair. You nestled on my chest and I felt my heart burst to a million pieces as a layer of protection around  your small body. You were beautiful. You became my daughter. 

We brought you home, driving as slow as we could, to protect you from your new world. I comforted your every need the best I knew how and loved you during those longs spurts of tears. I dressed you in clothes, I washed and folded with care and placed a bow on your head I waited so long to do. I told you how pretty you looked and how brave you were for choosing me as your mother.

You are my beautiful daughter. And one day you may not feel beautiful. You may not adorn diamonds or wear clothes that fit the social norm. Your hair may be a mess and your socks mismatched.  But you will always be pretty. It's your smile you share the moment I walk through the door. How you are so eager to share a hug or a kiss when my heart hurts. The way you laugh when you twirl holding my finger. How your giggle fills the wind blowing through your hair.

This makes you pretty.

Every please and thank, pleasant word, or nonverbal motion of kindness. Every time you share encouragement or offer help. When you show a brave face when fear could easily win. The moment you give love vs hate.

This makes you pretty.

As your mother and built in friend, I will always do my best to guide you and love you through any journey you travel on. And to remind you during the moments I find you most prettiest. Because moments of beauty are not always found in the mirror, sometimes they are found in the reflection of others.

Love, your mama

All that said, I can't make a promise I wont gush over her in her first prom dress or her wedding day. Because I will! But I have learned how we as mothers can glance at our children and look so deep. We see a beauty we hope they believe is most important and will radiate to others.

Half way there

I'm half way through the pregnancy! Gosh, already?
Boy has this pregnancy been a doozy. Besides morning sickness,  this babe is resting so low and causing some pressure below. Much different from my first pregnancy. I've been wearing a belly band (not as often as I should - if Ryan reads that he'll say the same) and sporting some very stylish compression stockings on days my legs are feeling sore. Never felt they were super weird till I wore them under a dress yesterday and my student laughed and told me they should only be worn when I can hide them under pants. Well geez, my fashion isn't up to par with the high school kids anymore. Shucks

how far along: twenty weeks

weight gain: lost three pounds

best moment: When rylee smacked my belly to give her brother a high five. it was hilarious.

movement: lots of flutters and some sharp kicks

cravings: pickles! Yes, very cliche I know

mood: I would say emotional. Teared up watching rylee sing "let it go" and cried while talking to my best friend about how rylee wont be my only little one

gender: boy! And the name is....ahh you'll have to wait till next week. Still working on the spelling

looking forward to: summer vacation! 24 more school days! and to an awesome consignment sale. If I can score my ideal stroller for half off I'll be stoked and so will Ryan when I save a ton of money!