Its just a big girl slide

GgI'm sitting in my doctors office waiting out that glorious hour for my glucose test. To any parent, an hour of just sitting is simply awesome. I can read a magazine of celebrity gossip, read a few chapters from the new Emily Giffin book that I pre-ordered weeks ago yet barely made a dent reading, catch up on my favorite blogs, or just simply stare at the wall because I have no other responsibility other then to sit.

But because my brain can never just stop thinking and give my emotions a break, I sit and think. I look around at other moms, we exchange smiles, our due dates, and whether its our first time being knocked up. I'm the only one here who is going for round two. The nutty lady who is enjoying the hour of solitude.

I keep thinking...that was me. Having the pure joy of having our first baby. Feeling so blessed my body was able to create and carry a beautiful baby. I remember thinking of how adventurous our life would be with a new family member. Our life has been nothing but an adventure since Rylee was born almost two years ago.

Yesterday I watched my husband follow her up the big kid slide. She had so much pride in each step she took up the stairs. I stood at the bottom waiting to catch her. She slid down with a bright smile and giggles. She did it. Slid down on her own and didn't reach for my hand for security.

A wave of emotion hit me like a wall. Trying to keep it together, I step away to hide behind my phone to take one more photo to document that day.

Its just a big girl slide, I thought. But I'd be lying to myself if that's really all it was.

Standing at the top of the slide seemed like time flew by ever too fast. I thought of the sleepless nights as an infant, when I felt sorry she choose me to help her get through the long nights. Battling breastfeeding, trying anything I could to soothe her. By attempt #142 I knew singing you are my sunshine calmed her. I learned how to swaddle the first night Ryan went back to work (he was always the swaddle pro, whereas I just built her into a messy burrito). I remembered watching her sleep as I folded pink clothes at 5:30 am.

Its just a big girl slide.

She sat down and made her first turn down the swirly slide and I remember the first time she laughed at me. The first time she smiled at me and it wasn't gas related. The first time she sat up from a crawl position and looked just as shocked as I was.

Its just a big girl slide.

As she disappeared behind the turn I remembered her birthday party. The first party I ever planned with such meticulous detail. Thinking we survived our first year as a family, it had to be perfect! She loved smearing into her cake and holding her mermaid ribbon wand. And now I plan for her second birthday. Another day to celebrate the birth and growth of our special little girl. The little girl who turned Ryan and I from a couple to a family.

Its just a big girl slide.

As she nears the end of the big girl slide, her face is gleaming and I can see her wheels are turning to make her way up the steps to slide again. And a huge part of me wants to stop her. Hold her. Tell her how much I love this life she has created for us. But I let her run and climb those steps again. She is building herself to be confident and strong climbing those stairs and how lucky are we to witness.

It will never be just a big girl slide for me. It will be a reminder of how far she has come and how far I've come as her mother. As each day passes I'll be building a bank of memories to burst through on the next trip to the park when she masters flipping off the swing