A bowl of popcorn

While I was pregnant, I teased (OK, prayed!) we would have an easy baby. One who goes with the flow, only cries when he wants to eat, nurses like a champ, and sleeps like crazy.  We were blessed with an easy baby! And I have thanked the heavens everyday.

Our first bundle of joy was (is) anything but easy. As an infant, she cried all day and night. We had a terrible time trying to nurse and she was never content to sit in the car seat. As new parents we were a mess and I was scared. Our first joy is now two and she is our little firecracker. Constantly on the move and testing my boundaries as a parent. Her cleverness is amazing and her ability to learn new things is fantastic. Yet her ability to drive me crazy some days is not so fun.

I'll admit, some days parenting my little toddler is hard. I end my day thinking "well I could have done better with her. Not let myself get so frustrated when she didn't nap but pooped in her bed. Or when she through a tantrum at target over...I can't remember what is was over". Some days I just stink at parenting. I'm at a loss and question when the terrible twos will end and we will move into the stage of enjoying a trip to target or even a (gasp!) restaurant. There a huge place in my hearts that beats just for her. A love pours from that spot just for her. And I love that she loves me back through the chaos and through the days I am not up to pare.

Since bringing Jake home, Rylee has done her best to adjust. She enjoys her brother being here unless it interferes with her time with just me. She isn't a fan of him when she needs a hug while I am nursing or wants a cookie while I am mid poop diaper change. I try to make time just for her. Making sure I am acknowledging when she is being good to her brother. I remind her how special her job is at a big sister and when she gets older it will be of such importance.

I'm playing in a new ball game with two littles. Thrown onto the field with no idea of my opposing team. I've learned the let dishes sit in the sink in trade of play time and laundry to cycle through refresh again in trade of a nap.

Today I took advantage of Jake still asleep to share a bowl of popcorn with my little girl. We snuggled, watched cartoons, and giggled when we both put our hands in the bowl. I took in the sweet moments of her saying thank you, yummy, and more please mommy. I remember holding her as an infant and can't believe I'm now snuggling with her as a toddler.

So tomorrow we'll have more bowls of popcorn and giggle when I steal her popcorn bites.

Our First Week

We made it through our first week. The new normal is setting in and we love it. Hearing my husband say "I'll put the kids in the car" yesterday made the surrealism of Jacob in our life slowly fade away. Within just seven days, our little world feels complete.  Jacob has reminded Ryan and I how fast our children have and will grow. We were reminded how much we have grown as a couple and our family really feels complete.

Jacob was born on September 11th. We were not against the idea of having him born on this day. We can all remember where we were the moment the World Trade Centers were attacked. We remember the feeling when our nation came together.  Ryan remembers the feeling knowing he was meant to be a firefighter. That day is held close to the hearts of many. I would have never imagined while sitting in geometry class, watching the second plane hit, I would birth a son into the world 13 years later.  We also named Jacob from the name we loved, Jake. Jake is also used to call younger firefighters in northern states. The day just seemed right for our family. Bring joy to a day, were joy was taken away.

Jacob arrived into the world quickly! My water was broke at 12:30 and he arrived after four pushes at 2:10. He never cried and layed so peacefully on my chest for almost an hour till he started nursing! For those of you who dont know, I was unable to nurse with Rylee. We struggled and I pumped for months instead. Tears flooded my eyes when he latched and began nursing.

With the same weight and height as Rylee {7.6 lbs 19 inches} Jacob is a healthy boy!! He's a calm little one and doesnt make a flinch when his sister is marching down the hall in princess heals. We are loving our time with him. His sweet snuggles and baby fresh smell make us oh and ah over him.

Dear Pregnancy

Dear Pregnancy,

My time with you is coming to an end.  In a few days the baby boy we worked hard to grow and keep safe with make his debut. We will have been on this journey together for 39 weeks. Its been an adventure I will keep close to my heart and think back on when my littles are grown.

Thirty nine weeks ago I prayed the Lord would bless our family with another baby. I prayed he would keep our growing little one safe and healthy. Thank you for standing by me as my prayer was answered. 

Thirty nine weeks ago pregnancy,  we began our journey.

Those first 12 weeks were a doozy. You had me sick and exhausted beyond words. You made bread and crackers my main meal, with lemon water as my savior. You made the smell of my classroom make me want to vomit and playtime with my daughtef turn to yet anothed viewing of the Little Mermaid while I napped on the couch.  But pregnancy,  you made my body strong to carry our little fetus through the rough first trimester. Thank you. Thank you for relieving my fears and giving my husband hope for a healthy child and wife.

You took pitty on me the second trimester and gave me a belly I adore. I had multiple good hairs days and sweet compliments from little old ladies. I was able to eat real foods again. Together we drooled over others drinking wine and eating publix subs. But our nine month commitment to each other was too grand to eat those naughty foods. We started wearing pants with elastic bands and dresses to emphasize my belly. With a bump barely showing, we found out a little boy was growing inside! Boy were we excited!!

Our time during the last part of our journey has been tough.  You reminded me pregnancy, I can't do it all. You reminded me to slow down and enjoy the short time we have left together. You have pushed my body to great lengths, some days I cursed your name and begged for comfort. To grow my son you have given me lovely stretch marks and painful vericose veins. You've brought me to tears with discomfort.  But thank you. Thank you for all those things.  You are doing whatever needs done for our son to grow inside me. I'll take on your challenges and feel strength in your ways. Just another reminder of life as a mommy. Those stretch marks allow my son to move around inside and let my husbands hands feel his baby boy.

Pregnancy,  you are the beginning of my journey into become a mommy again. Those moments of doubt if I'm carrying you properly,  if I took my vitamins, counting my caffeine intake, were all just reminders of our grand plan when our journey ends. The endless hours fretting over breast feeding, stockpiling diapers, couponing and saving for must needs/wants for our son, has yet to make me realize our break up is just a few days away.

We are good together pregnancy. Real good. Even in thd days of morning sickness, I have truly loved being wrapped in your embrace. Even through midnight bathroom breaks and swollen veins, I have loved our time together.  You have slowly prepared me yet again to be a mommy. I'll most likely not be with you again. If minds change, you'll be the first to know.

Thank you for growing my family. Let's enjoy our last few days together.

with love always,
Leah Marie

38 Weeks

Thirty Eight Weeks

I am glad to be writing this post.  Happy our little guy is continuing to grow safely inside my belly. Hitting the thirty eight week mark feels very surreal.

Feels like just a few days ago we decided to grow our family. We dreamed of a family with two kiddos and the reality of our dream will be in our arms in less then a week. Less then a week!

I'm feeling very excited.

Very anxious.

Very overwhelmed with emotions.

I've been a little crazy keeping the house super-duper clean so if I go into labor before my induction on the 11th, I know the house will be clean when I come home {oh you didn't know I was crazy about keeping things in place? Well secret is out now}. I also sat on the kitchen floor to scrub cabinets and the tile floor. I refolded newborn onesies and made sure Rylee's big sister gift is ready!

How far along: thirty eight weeks
Weight gain: 20.5 lbs
Best moment: Rylee has been very intuitive over the last month with the arrival of her baby brother. Anyone who comes over gets a tour of her brothers room. She plays with his toys and counts the pacifiers in the drawer she's not suppose to go into. She rubs my belly and tells me "my brother is in there".
Movement: holy moly this kid not only rubs on my pelvic bone but he now is moving/shifting to my sciatic nerve down my left leg. Ugh its so lovely!
Craving: CHOCOLATE!!
Looking forward to: the birth of my son!
Body changes: hubs say my belly looks bigger (thanks dear) and he quickly adds " oh and you just look more beautiful being pregnant ". And my belly button has popped out!