The day I wore a bikini

It happened.

It was just a random day. Nothing was planned but to wear my old maternity bathing suit for some pool fun in the backyard. As I was digging for my not so awesome swim suit, I realized all my mom suits were in the wash. Feeling fearful to spend another minute of my threenagers pool time searching for a suit, I grabbed a pre-baby bikini.

A bikini.

My body didn't even know how to walk out of the house with such little clothing.

I gathered Jake and Rylee met me outside and her face just lit up! I stared at her and she said "whoa momma. You're in a bikini! You look so beautiful momma". I melted.

Her sweet thoughts weren't in the same ball field of mine. I was spending the few moments reminding myself "no one will see me in the backyard. Hopefully Ryan won't come outside. I'm working out, I'm making some progress, bikini will be in my future".

Why are we so hard on ourselves as mommas? They little people who are most important are the ones who care in the least bit. She's looking at me always and not in the ways I think she is. She doesn't notice my flaws. She doesn't care if I am wearing a put together outfit or my hair is brushed. She doesn't care what makeup made it to my face or if my earrings match.

She cares that my arms give her the most secure hugs. She cares that my legs are strong and can carry on the best dance parties. She cares that my belly gives her a place to rest her head during favorite movies. She cares that my face is full of love for her.

She cares that I am her momma.

After I gathered my thoughts from her sweet compliments, I jumped into the pool and gave her the best afternoon I could. We laughed and giggled. She loved I wore a bikini like her. I loved I made her happy.

She wants to be like me. And there are so many flaws I want to hide and pray she doesn't fully become like me. I hope she never has self doubt about her body. I hope she loves herself and sweats confidence.

I know she's watching me. Keeping her eyes close on my every move. So I'm going to wear that bikini more. Show her just to be happy in who she is.

So mommas, let's not be so hard on ourselves. Do the best we can and our little ones with notice all the great things we sometimes forget.