Dear Pregnancy

Dear Pregnancy,

My time with you is coming to an end.  In a few days the baby boy we worked hard to grow and keep safe with make his debut. We will have been on this journey together for 39 weeks. Its been an adventure I will keep close to my heart and think back on when my littles are grown.

Thirty nine weeks ago I prayed the Lord would bless our family with another baby. I prayed he would keep our growing little one safe and healthy. Thank you for standing by me as my prayer was answered. 

Thirty nine weeks ago pregnancy,  we began our journey.

Those first 12 weeks were a doozy. You had me sick and exhausted beyond words. You made bread and crackers my main meal, with lemon water as my savior. You made the smell of my classroom make me want to vomit and playtime with my daughtef turn to yet anothed viewing of the Little Mermaid while I napped on the couch.  But pregnancy,  you made my body strong to carry our little fetus through the rough first trimester. Thank you. Thank you for relieving my fears and giving my husband hope for a healthy child and wife.

You took pitty on me the second trimester and gave me a belly I adore. I had multiple good hairs days and sweet compliments from little old ladies. I was able to eat real foods again. Together we drooled over others drinking wine and eating publix subs. But our nine month commitment to each other was too grand to eat those naughty foods. We started wearing pants with elastic bands and dresses to emphasize my belly. With a bump barely showing, we found out a little boy was growing inside! Boy were we excited!!

Our time during the last part of our journey has been tough.  You reminded me pregnancy, I can't do it all. You reminded me to slow down and enjoy the short time we have left together. You have pushed my body to great lengths, some days I cursed your name and begged for comfort. To grow my son you have given me lovely stretch marks and painful vericose veins. You've brought me to tears with discomfort.  But thank you. Thank you for all those things.  You are doing whatever needs done for our son to grow inside me. I'll take on your challenges and feel strength in your ways. Just another reminder of life as a mommy. Those stretch marks allow my son to move around inside and let my husbands hands feel his baby boy.

Pregnancy,  you are the beginning of my journey into become a mommy again. Those moments of doubt if I'm carrying you properly,  if I took my vitamins, counting my caffeine intake, were all just reminders of our grand plan when our journey ends. The endless hours fretting over breast feeding, stockpiling diapers, couponing and saving for must needs/wants for our son, has yet to make me realize our break up is just a few days away.

We are good together pregnancy. Real good. Even in thd days of morning sickness, I have truly loved being wrapped in your embrace. Even through midnight bathroom breaks and swollen veins, I have loved our time together.  You have slowly prepared me yet again to be a mommy. I'll most likely not be with you again. If minds change, you'll be the first to know.

Thank you for growing my family. Let's enjoy our last few days together.

with love always,
Leah Marie

38 Weeks

Thirty Eight Weeks

I am glad to be writing this post.  Happy our little guy is continuing to grow safely inside my belly. Hitting the thirty eight week mark feels very surreal.

Feels like just a few days ago we decided to grow our family. We dreamed of a family with two kiddos and the reality of our dream will be in our arms in less then a week. Less then a week!

I'm feeling very excited.

Very anxious.

Very overwhelmed with emotions.

I've been a little crazy keeping the house super-duper clean so if I go into labor before my induction on the 11th, I know the house will be clean when I come home {oh you didn't know I was crazy about keeping things in place? Well secret is out now}. I also sat on the kitchen floor to scrub cabinets and the tile floor. I refolded newborn onesies and made sure Rylee's big sister gift is ready!

How far along: thirty eight weeks
Weight gain: 20.5 lbs
Best moment: Rylee has been very intuitive over the last month with the arrival of her baby brother. Anyone who comes over gets a tour of her brothers room. She plays with his toys and counts the pacifiers in the drawer she's not suppose to go into. She rubs my belly and tells me "my brother is in there".
Movement: holy moly this kid not only rubs on my pelvic bone but he now is moving/shifting to my sciatic nerve down my left leg. Ugh its so lovely!
Craving: CHOCOLATE!!
Looking forward to: the birth of my son!
Body changes: hubs say my belly looks bigger (thanks dear) and he quickly adds " oh and you just look more beautiful being pregnant ". And my belly button has popped out!

37 Weeks

Thirty Seven Weeks

We're getting closer and closer to meeting our little Jacob Ryan. I am glad to be moving closer to a full term baby and away from the scary preterm labor zone. Sunday night we made a visit to the hospital thinking my water may have broke. On the drive there I don't think I uttered a word. I sat quietly holding my husbands hand, listening to our favorite Jacks Mannequin songs, and praying the Lord will keep Jacob safe if this is the night we will meet him. We were sent home an hour later and everything was fine. As excited as Ryan is to hold his son and Rylee is to meet her brother,  we both know the longer he stays inside the more growth he'll gain. We saw a chart at the hospital about brain growth and reminded there is no rush.

As we left the hospital we joked how we get another normal semi-predictable night of sleep at home. We get one more day with just Rylee. And I get one more day of my boobs not being a leaky milk station.

With all the rest I've been doing at home my body seems to be slowing down the in the labor process. I have not progressed anymore then 3 cm dil from last week. Contractions are infrequent but still lots of cramping. Our midwife scheduled an induction date for Sept 11 (I will be 39 weeks). So in two weeks or less our little man will be here! Ekk!!

How far along: thirty seven weeks
Weight gain: 20 lbs
Best moment: Ryan was just talking with Rylee about how her brother will be here soon. She said "yay" joyfully when he asked if she was ready to meet her brother and hold him. She said "no" sadly when he asked her if she is ready to share mommy. Sweet girl. Her little boat is about to be rocked
Movement: very frequent movements. Lots of painful kicks and pressure to my pelvic bone!
Craving: nothing special this week. Still on board for anything spicy! My sister surprised  me a few days ago with bangbang shrimp! She is not only a wonderful aunt but a beautiful sister to me!
Looking forward to: Sept 11
Body changes: I can painfully feel my hips moving and spreading. Yipee. Ryan says my stomach sticks out more

Rylee wanted to join in on my early morning photos. The lighting in Jacobs room is so pretty in the morning. And I've had my eye on the beautiful black and white silhouette photo on pinterest.

in the moment...

...I'm folding laundry and its so strange to see a pile of princess panties for Rylee.

...I've made three lists this morning for last minute things we'll need before we leave for hospital and packed a bag for Rylee

...I watched Rylee play {destroy her room} and feel glad I am home to be with her today even in the chaos of thrown puzzle pieces and little people

...I talked with Rylee about when I leave for the hospital to have the baby she will stay home. And she told me "I stay home. You bring baby home". Smart little girl

...I've had cramps for the past three days and back pain is starting to set in. Will today be the day? I broke down in tears yesterday. I am just so uncomfortable

...I'll be sending Ryan out to target later to get a list of things along with milk bags (to freeze pumped breast milk) and nipple cream. He'll most likely read every label on the different nipple creams to find the one best for me and baby J

...I'm craving spicy spicy hot wings and french fries. And of course a beer to wash them down

...Rylee just yelled " mommy come here". And as I started waddling towards her she yelled "Leah come here". I find it hilarious she knows my other name and she giggles when she uses it

...I found her wearing a tutu, counting baby J's pacifiers, and dumping globs of lotion on her legs. Ugh

...so many messes fill our home this morning. I tried to tackle one at a time while sitting to rest this tired body

...Ryan is trying to rest after a sleepless night at work. I know he would wake if I asked him to but he needs sleep and I enjoy my quiet time with Rylee

...the other night (after a long day of taking on most of the days responsibility) Ryan looked at me and said " I don't know how you do all you do everyday and be pregnant ". Always feels good to get a compliment from your husband

...I'm having to explain to Rylee why she doesn't need to wear my pumping bra but she insist I let her wear it. And I do

...her and I ate oatmeal and two oreos for breakfast. And they were delicious

...Excited for the last episode of True Blood tonight. Ryan and I have watched the show since season one when we could barely afford HBO in our apartment.

Enjoy your sunday with your family and little ones.

36 Weeks

Thirty Six Weeks

Pregnancy is nearing to an end. Even though I technically have 4 more weeks, baby Jacob is trying really hard to be an August baby. Dr appt yesterday confirmed I am 3 cm dil and in preterm labor. Crazy! My midwife feels safe for me to delivery Jacob if he does arrive earlier but the goal is to keep him in till at least 38 weeks. 

Today was  my first day home on rest. Its tough being home on rest with a toddler plus the urge to continue to nest. I did repack my hospital bag today...twice...and I still feel as though I am missing something. Plus I need extra space in my bag to take home a box of mesh underwear! Oh you don't know what those are, only the best hidden post baby secret. Ever.

Ryan has been super husband and is making sure I am resting. He has taken over grocery and target trips (which are my super favorite trips and sad target and I will not see each other for a while), play time with rylee, and dinners. Lately just sitting on the floor is beyond uncomfortable and painful, which makes play time with her a little difficult.  So we bring toys on our bed to play or I play with her while laying down on the floor. Truly trying my best to give her attention she needs and also giving my body the rest it needs. By the end of the day I am exhausted and have trouble keeping up. Even taking a shower is tiring. Yet sleep provides no rest due to bathroom runs and big belly discomfort. 

So I've entered the last lovely month of pregnancy.  I am so eager to meet our little man. To smell him. Kiss his head. Snuggle him. And see if all this heartburn proves the oldwives tale right to have a baby with a head full of hair.

I am excited to see Rylee love on her brother we are constantly talking about.

I am anxiously awaiting to watch Ryan fall in love all over again.

Rylee seems to be getting excited over the arrival of her brother.  We play in his room often. Change diapers on her dolls and place pacifiers in their mouth as she whispers "shh no crying".

How far along: thirty six weeks
Weight gain: 20 lbs
Best moment: letting Rylee pick out a special present for her brother
Movement: very big movements and intense kicks
Craving: spicy spicy food! and a cider!
Looking forward to: next weeks appt to see if we are making anymore progress towards real labor beginning
Body changes: jacob has dropped so my belly is looking a little lower. Still growing bigger by the day!

Getting ready for late  night feedings with this shirt! 

The sweet duck Rylee picked out for her brother 

Baby belle trying out the new bassinet and swaddle blankets

New chalkboard made from a dollar tree photo frame!

35 Weeks

Thirty Five Weeks

This week has been a doozy!  Summer vacation is offocially over, the alarm clock is set to 5:45, and I've been wearing clothes that aren't found in the pajama section of my dresser. I've realized I can't push my body to move as quickly or walk the halls at the high school as long as I did just a few months ago.

Last night I was experiencing intense pain in my pelvic area. Since I was induced with Rylee, I am very unsure of going into labor naturally.  I clearly remember what labor feels when contractions are in full swing but the beginning process is new to me. Ryan and I were starting to think we would be meeting our son sooner then we thought. After a frantic call to our midwife and a warm bath, the pain subsided and I found sleep easily for the first time in weeks. Exhaustion from the long day at work has made sleep actually possible.

My mind often wonders to the future with our family growing to four. Our wedding day still stands fresh in my memories and the smell of Rylee as an infant still lingers. The smell of sawdust from fixing up our first home and arguments over placements of bathroom lights will never be a distant memory. We have faced days of sorrow and joy to build our life. To build our family.  I am looking forward to keep building our life and make memories with Jacob by ourside. 

How far along: thirty five weeks
Weight gain: 16 lbs
Best moment: hearing rylee tell an old lady at target she's having a brother
Movement: jacob is keeping up his constant and intense movements.  I feel every movement and my belly takes on many shapes
Craving: all the foods you stay away from during pregnancy
Looking forward to: holding our little boy for the first time
Labor signs: jacob has dropped and sitting very low.

In The Moment...

...I'm eating a bowl of black cherry ice cream

...I wish my husband home to tuck me into bed (what? Is that not normal?)

...watching the movie My Girl and remember growing up wishing I had a cool name like Vada

...As much as I'm ready to meet Jacob and have body parts return to normal, I'm not ready to let go of my pregnancy.  I love feeling his every movement. I'm not ready to bring him into this scary unpredictable world but to keep him safe in my belly.

...I am so in love with Rylee's obsession for "critter books". I absolutely loved the critter family.  Finding the spider and mouse on each page was a personal challenge as a child. Their simple language is a favorite now as a parent. Rylee loves the New Baby book and insist we read it last.

...I am feeling very blessed to have wonderful coworkers give me a baby shower on our first day back to work. Company was sweet, cake was yummy, and gifts were beyond thoughtful! Had a wonderful day with grownup conversations and not having to remind anyone to use the potty

...I asked Rylee if her brother will born in August or September. 
She said "emptemer"
And which day Rylee? "8"
We'll find out if she is a miss cleo or her favorite number to say is 8

...feeling exhausted and theres actually four parts of the pregnancy journey.  Theres the 1st 2nd and 3rd trimester and the  there's the last month. The. Last. Long. Month. Im a week away from the last month and I can feel the symptoms already. No sleep due to huge belly and constant bathroom runs, wardrobe skrinks to maxi dresses and yoga pants that actually never been to a yoga class, and groaning at the idea of having to bend down to put shoes on or pick up toys. (But refer to above thought, I love do pregnancy)