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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

What happens at 5:13 AM

I hear him whimper. I hear him gearing up to let me know, although he's pushing 10 lbs, that he is starving. I check my phone for a time, praying loudly its 7 AM, only to moan that's its 5:13.

5:13 on a tuesday...it is tuesday?...yes, yes its a tuesday.

I grab my little bundle of joy and feed him. He's quick to nurse. Gives me a champion of a burp. I change his diaper and clean his little bum. I rock him for a few moments and I start thinking "yes! I got him back to sleep!". I pull his sweetness away from my shoulder only to see his wide open eyes saying " oh hey momma. Let's get our day started. You didn't think I was going back to bed did you?"

So we leave our bedroom, the place I use to get sleep in, and start the walk down the hallway to his room. I briefly think I will do this walk a million more times before he grows up and moves out. So I walk slowly, enjoying the walk with him in my arms because a million more walks holding my son will never seem enough.

We get to his room and turn on his lamp. Yep, he's still wide awake. I put him down in his crib and I pull out my breast pump for our daily meeting. I pump for a few reasons: one - I produce a ton more milk. Two - my goal is to hive J bm till his first birthday. Three - I want...need...must have a glass of wine in the near future. In the nine minutes I pump, I softly sing "take me out to the ball game" 19 times to soothe J and check Instagram. Pumping is over and J is quiet. I peak over the rail of the crib hoping for a sleepy babe. Nope. Wide eyes still but he's calm.

So I mentally start making a list of what needs done around the house. There's laundry to fold, a bathroom to clean, and packing for an afternoon trip to Disney. I gran cleaning supplies and head towards to the bathroom. As I'm cleaning up Ariel and rubber ducks from the tub I decide "hey! I'll take a bath". So I borrow some of Rylee's  rapunzel shampoo as bubble bath and begin to relax. J Cry's as soon as I sit down. I try to soothe him by singing and a pacifier but no go. Fearing he'll wake the other sleepy kid and I'll have to share this bath with her playing with princess Ariel, I scoop him up and stand in the bath and rock him to sleep. " take me out to the ball game" is sung 7 times.

I clean up, briefly think to shave my legs, and then hop out while J is asleep. I throw on some make up, blow dry my hair, and I'm ready. I change us into a Halloween romper and shirt, Because having a good theme to a party always makes it fun.

By now its 6:30 am. And as much as I want to go back to bed, I know the second I fall asleep I'll hear my sweet girl calling my name and letting me know the sun is up so she can be awake too.

Coffee. Fresh caffeine in a cup. I make some. I fold laundry, wash pump supplies and steam pacifiers. Start to gather survival items for disney. I write a list for target. For as soon as 8 hits the clock, I'm racing out of here (with J in tow) to buy diapers and wonder the aisles till J says its time to go.

Our day has begun. And this is our new normal. Jake only wakes twice after falling asleep around 9:30, around 2:30ish and between 5-6. I can't complain too much. Though I wish I had the mythological baby who sleeps through the night after being birthed.

I hope all who reads has a beautiful day. Know that as a mommy I am on your side and cheering for you. Our days as momma's are long and filled with joy and exhaustion. Let's conquer today. Let's make the sleepless night into a good day, hug our littles tighter, and smile harder when your tank of patience is almost empty.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Another Momma's Remider

Last night was rough.

Not due to the sleeplessness of an infant or the toddler crying out for me. But due to my own pure emotional exhaustion.

I send an S.O.S. text to a best friend and in pure selfishness I hoped she would give up a few minutes of her sleep to feed me the encouraging words to so badly craved.

She called within a minute and I barely spit out a hello before the tears flowed.

I admitted to yelling at Rylee that day and how disgusting I felt for it. I wined about how exhausted I was to be a 24 hour milk machine and how I'm stuck wearing a nursing bra and pads otherwise I'll leak every where. I cried for wanting just a few moments to myself and how disheveled I was for losing my predictable schedule. I lost it when I noticed I still smelled of spit up after a 3 minute shower I took with a toddler at my feet.

And she said all the perfect things...

I know, that's rough...

Its just a phase...

Rylee won't remember...

Ugh its so exhausting...

You've got this!...

Sometimes another mommy's encouragement is so needed. We're all together in this journey as mommy's. There's no place for judgment or comparison. Only a place for understanding and encouragement. Sweet words on days that seem endless and sharing in happy first moments.

I am no perfect mother. There aren't enough IG filters to make my life perfect. And I don't want it to be. A little sanity would be nice, but not perfection.

As our call was ending, tears became laughter and my spirits were lifted. As I was rocking little J to sleep I thought of all the things I did accomplish. All the things I did right yesterday.

I loved on my two sweet littles.

I took two kids to the doctor and made it there on time

I treated myself to a Coke via chick-fil-a drive through and savored every last sip.

I made Rylee a wrap for her babies to "hold baby like mommy"

I sang "take me out to the ball game" 17 times to J

I completed two loads of laundry

Put a sleepy toddler to bed 15 mins early

And rocked a sweet boy to sleep

So in a day filled with pure chaos, a screaming baby, and a tantrum throwing toddler, I vow to end my day listing the "rights". Ignoring all that I didn't accomplish or what I failed at. Even through all the chaos, I love this life. There will be a day when I don't live in the same yoga pants for five days or smell of spit up. I will miss this. I will miss two littles needing me and their snuggles.

So here goes today, hoping to make it better then yesterday.

{And now my pitty party is over. Thanks for reading through the end}

 

Monday, October 13, 2014

One Month

One Month Old

We survived the first month

And boy it was a doozy!

Having another little one has quite a new adventure in parenthood.

Rylee is enjoying being a big sister. She thinks its fun to help change diapers and try to shove a pacifier in Jake's mouth. Surprisingly his crying at night doesn't wake her and he doesn't wake when she runs around our wood floor house in her princess shoes.

Ryan has taken over most of the daily Rylee activities, including dance class. I can really see a new bond they are both developing. She has always been my little girl but its beautiful to see the father/daughter relationship. I will admit though, its hard when she prefers daddy to take her to dance class then me.

Jake is fitting in just right. He's a good sleeper, wakes to eat, then dozes back into dream land. As a pair, we are working on our nursing skills. Since I didn't nurse with Rylee, I am a newbie along side him. I would say most often we have it down and every once in a while we struggle with a good latch but we power through. I've shed a few tears over nursing. Tears of joy when he latched at the hospital an hour after birth and tears of frustration when he doesn't latch well and spits up all down my shirt.

I've also started pumping in the morning. He goes down around 9:30-10 and sleeps till about 2:30 to eat, sleeps, up again at 5:30 then back down. I'm very lucky to be a milk making machine so in the morning I'm overly full. I have about 100 ounces frozen. Not sure when we'll introduce a bottle. Selfishly I don't want it to interfere with his preference to nurse but selfishly I'd like a long evening away with Ryan and a glass of wine. 

I am enjoying our new family of four. Not eager for him to grow too fast. Loving the squishy baby sleep through a target trip  time. To celebrate his one month, we went to dinner (leaving Rylee with her aunt). He quietly sat in the car seat as I ate the goat cheese I've waited 9 months for without coming up for air.

Hope to blog more soon. So many thoughts and emotions I'd like to have written down for Rylee and Jake to read some day


 
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